bus ad

dance like no one is watching

love like you've never been hurt

sing like no one is listening

work like you don't need the money

live life every day as if it were your last

emotions

I've been feeling very sad these few weeks. I don't know why, but I know I just feel very very sad.

Maybe it's because of the fact that I cannot get what I loved, and it pains me. Human are just damn selfish.

Maybe it's because I see my parents still slogging so hard even till now; it pains me. Human are just tireless. (ok, cross out 'human" and replace with 'Singaporeans')

Maybe it's because I fear for junior. I fear that he is growing old in another few years time and will leave me eventually. I cannot even bear to think about this scary thought; it pains me. Human just want to escape reality.

Maybe its because, the recent serials I've watched made me cry. Human are just too emotional.

Maybe its because, I fear that I cannot perform in my new job. I have this fear of getting bad vibes from management. Human are just fearful.

Maybe it's because, I really cannot get what I want. The more I want it, the more wrong I am. The more i yearn for it, the further it gets away from me. The more I need it, the more pain I feel. Humans are just....humans.

I am very sad.

full circle

I should be posting about my dog.

But I didn't.

I love him. Few years ago, a very dear and close person to me asked if I were to choose him or my dog. Without hesitation, I replied "Junior".

Well, needless to say, that person was disappointed.

People ask me why I have such strong opinions about dogs. Honestly, I don't know.

Once, I told my colleague off when she said that she wanted her pet dog to mate with another.
In order for the male and the bitch to mate, the breeder must assess both of them to make sure they possess quality traits, so as the offsprings will be of top notch kind.

Fuck off if you are unsure of your pets' traits. It takes experience to know. Tests are run to make sure they do not have genes for cancer, bone diseases, etc.

I don't think I have such experience in this area so I won't say much on it.

But all in all, breeding will only cause over population, in turn more strays on the road. That's the reason why SPCA advocates sterilization.

Don't breed for the money. Sell your ass, sell your body, sell you soul if you need the money that desperately.

Anyway, enough of my rants, back to Junior.

Few years ago, when I lost all hope (broke up with ex boyfriend, family problems, money problems, a job that sux), Junior was my constant companion. He will lick up my tears, lie down at my feet when I cry myself out. Just the thought of him will makes me smile.

And I have decided to get a tattoo about Junior. When and where, I'm not sure. But I'll get down to it eventually.

Are you happy?

"What are you saying?"

"That I want to be a __________ (fill in the blank)"

"You're mad. You don't need to do that. You're already doing the work you want to do now. You earn the money - not that you need that money to live on. You have talent and you've earned your colleagues' respect."

"All right then, let's just say I need to be alone."

"Haven't you got everything you need?"

"I have everything a man/woman could want."

"What's wrong with your life then?"

"Precisely that. I have everything, but I'm not happy. And I'm not the only one either; over the years, I've met all kinds of people: the rich, the poor, the powerful, and those who just make do. I've seen the same infinite bitterness in everyone's eyes, a sadness which people aren't prepared to acknowledge, but which, regardless of what they were telling me, was nevertheless there."

"Some people appear to be happy, but they simply don't give the matter much thought. Other make plans: I'm going to have a husband/wife, two children, a flat. As long as they're busy doing all that, they're like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they react instinctively, they blunder on, with no idea where the target is. They get their car, sometimes they even get a Ferrari, and they think that's the meaning of life, and they never question it. Yet their eyes betray the sadness that even they don't know they carry in their souls. Are you happy?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know if everyone is unhappy. I know they all all busy. Very few people actually say to me: 'I'm unhappy.' Most say: 'I'm fine, I've got everything I ever wanted.' Then I ask: 'What makes you happy?' Answer: 'I've got everything a person could possibly want - a family, a home, work, good health.' I ask again: 'Have you ever stopped to wonder if that's all there is to life?' Answer: 'Yes, that's all that is.' I insist: 'So the meaning of life is work, family, children who will grow up and leave you, a wife or husband who will become like a friend than a real lover. And, of course, one day your work will end too. What will you do when that happens?' Answer: There is no answer. They change the subject."

"No, what they say is: 'When the children have grown up, when my husband-or my wife-has become more my friend than my passionate lover, when I retire, then I'll have more time to do what I always wanted to do: travel.' Question: 'But didn't you say you were happy now? Aren't you already doing what you always wanted to do?' Then they say they're very busy and change the subject."

"If I insist, they always do come up with something they're lacking: the dentist wanted to be a singer, the singer wanted to be a politician, the politician wanted to be a write, the writer wanted to be a farmer. And even when I did meet someone who was doing what he had chosen to do, that person's soul was still in torment. He hadn't found peace yet either. So I'll ask you again: 'Are you happy?' "

"People do their best not to remember and not to accept the immense magical potential they possess, because that would upset their neat little universes."

"But we all have the ability, don't we?"

"Absolutely, we just don't have all the courage to follow our dreams and to follow the signs. Prehaps that's where the sadness comes from."

Library

I went to the Library last Sunday.

I was peeved about something and I posted my rants on ST stomp.

I was told by someone that "It's laughable that in this Internet era, there're still ppl going to the library."

fuck off (not literally)

Back to my rant...

My IC couldn't be scanned by the borrowing kiosk. This has happened in various libraries. The solution is to ask the librarians to help me borrow my items manually (with a handheld scanner).

I asked the nice fat lady at the concierge for help. She told me "NO".

Instead, I was told to register for a library card; which means that I have to register myself as a member for SGDXX a year.

I wasn't angry at the cost. I was angry cuz I have to pay to borrow books. I thought it's free??!!

And I have to pay, just cuz your computers are unable to scan IC barcodes?

WTF??!!

And I'm not allowed to borrow books in a library??!!

double WTF??

I have been patronising NLB for 27 years, and this is the medal of honour I've got.

Singapore is so screwed up man.

no title

whilst I was not posting anything since July, did anyone in the world-of-invisible missed me?

nyak-nyak-nyak

I said world-of-invisible is only because no one reads my blog. If you are reading it, be thankful that you are the one and only person. A medal of honour awaits u. From me. To you. Sincerly. Blah. Blah.

My friend told me just now that my blog is boring cuz I hardly add entries. He added that if he never add in an entry in his blog, people will msn him to ask why.

1. His friends are sure damn KAYPOH
2. Big deal about his blog.
3. Its not xiaxue anyway, so what?
4. Does it taste a lil' bit sour in here?
5. I'm not jealous. Not at all
6. Mine is way better!! WAY WAY BETTER!!
7. Time for medication

after BKK trip

I had a bad sickness after coming back from Bangkok. While waiting for our flight, me and my bestpal has Burger King's. Shortly, my stomach was in knots.

My stomach is famous for having the spin cycle. Apparently, I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome brought on by depression (that will be another story to be told another time). Every small little thing can trigger the spin cycle. Being nervous, after some meal, being stressed, being angry.

In the plane, they served dinner. It was some chicken in sesame oil kinda smell meal. The spin cycle went on double speed.

After touchdown, I went back home and realised I was running a fever. I went to see my doctor. He told me that I have stomach flu, gastric flu and lots of wind. I was also vomitting.

The next day i was on mc. I had diarrhoea too. The third day I went back to work. All these while, my stomach was on a spin cycle.

On the fourth day, after persistant spin cycle & diarrhoea, I decided to see my company doctor before going to work. The clinic is located at International Plaza.

My grouch is the distance between my office and IP is really far. Maybe around 15-20 mins walk. If anyone who sees the doctor may die in the process of walking, I won't be surprised.

That day, the lift broke down. It was raining and I guess it was a power failure. They have 3 sections of lifts which serves different floors. Each section has 6 lift, and only 1 was working. It took me 40 mins to get up to 30+ storey. Time check: 9.40am.
Upon reaching, the clinic was not open due to the fact that the staff were still trapped on ground level. There were several people waiting to see the doctor. I sat down and had a short nap. The doctor arrived eventually and open the doors of the clinic. Time check: 10.30am.
Finally my turn came and I had to wait for the staff to get up here so that they can dispense me the medication. Time check:11.00am.
Someone did arrived and I got my medication. Time check: 11.15am.

The lifts where still out of service, and a couple before me decided to try the stairs in the dark. They must have been desperate. I decided to wait. After a while, the lifts were back in service. Time check: 11.35am.

I reach the ground floor and decided to buy some bread for breakfast as I was feeling hungry. Upon first bite, a call came in on my mobile and while taking the call, my bread fell to the floor. Time check: 11.45am.

I reached office 12noon. 3 hours wasted.

murphy's law

The day that it happened, it started off with 2 pairs of earrings.

I was searching for my favourite earrings (handmade by my good friend from OZ) when I realised that it was not in the usual place. You see, I have storage plastic boxes thats have little segments to store the earrings seperately. By the way, I have approximately 50 pairs and still counting.

I got angry coz' it was the morning rush. Feeling damn frustrated, I decided to wear another pair of my favourite and realised it was gone as well.

Feeling even more frustrated, I slammed my things around and started my makeup routine or else I would be really really late.

Things got worst. I came to work and my colleague/partner was on urgent halfday leave coz' she had a splitting headache.
In my department, I have a colleague and we depend on each other for the department to function. When one is down, the other takes charge, even though I am the overall in-charge of the department.

Then I realised she had some urgent stuff she needed to attend to, but did not. I cleared up her work the whole morning.

I told my bestpal about my chain of events and she cautioned me about murphy's law. Fuck murphy, fuck the law.

Afternoon came, and she stepped in at 1.30pm. She had a half hour phone call till 2.00pm. ARGG

I passed back the the files to her. Even during lunch, I told myself nothing bad will happen. Even if it did, it won't get to me.

In the afternoon, whilst in high spirits, I realised that my colleague did not fax what she was supposed to fax; and the customer was screaming and shouting at me. I had to clear up the mess.

Fuck the law.

bangkok

Actually came back from Bangkok 2 weeks ago but was lazy to post stuff. For more relevant details, you may wish to visit http://snuuggly.blogspot.com/ re:durian post.

It was fun actually to do nothing but shop, eat, sleep. We hardly get to do that anyway coz' singaporeans work all the time.

I will definately go back there again.

my dream

Yesterday, I had a dream.

I dreamt that I was in a car with 2 other colleagues. It was a left hand drive. We crash into a high school bus. It was a though I'm in angmohland.

funnypartOne: My colleague told me she had the reverse gear on so we won't be that badly smashed up.

When the ambulance came, funnypartTwo: I told myself I have to act the most feeble in front of the most handsome high school kid. Which I did for one Brad Pitt lookalike.

When I was wheeled to the hospital, I saw my parents sticking "man yue" (one month) baby notice on the delivery ward notice board (my sisters both had babies in May you see). They asked me where I was going, as if they couldn't see whats wrong with me.

All I know was, I had slight injuries, except that I couldn't breathe, as though my lungs were collapsing.

The doctor cometh. funnypartThree: Hugh Jackman!!!!!

He treated me and I recovered. funnypartFour: we fell in love.
I remembered that it the main bulk of the super long dream was devoted to our dating time.
I didn't wanted it to end you see.

funnypartFive: he had a part in a new movie and we went to the gala premiere of the movie. I bumped into his wife. Then I got fuming mad that he two-timed me.

I bumped into this younger brother and we funnypartSix: had a sexy dance. Hugh darling was furious that I took sweet revenge. He stomped off with his wife in tow.

Then I woke up. The dream lasted the whole night. I had a whole night of male bonding.

mad people at chinatown

We all know that there are many crazy people out there, including me. I've been in woodbridge before, but then again, it's another story.

I was having lunch with my galpal-bestfriend-buddies4eva (I hope you are enjoying this verse) at chinatown. An old man shuffled past and asker her for money. She shakes her head. Another came by and ask her if she was interested in having her fortune told. She shakes her head too.
I began to wonder why am I that darn unapproachable when this young guy came up and ask my girfriend for SGD10.

I always think SGD2 is reasonable provided the begger is old or handicapped, any amount is OK for tissue-seller, but for a mobile young person to ask for SGD10...well...
My girlfriend shakes her head, but received a prod from the guy at her arms. He turned around and asked me. I was acting busily eating.
He push me with his fingers again on my arm and asked for SGD10. I gave him "the look".

He slurred that he's crazy. At that point, I had to resist the urge to shot back that I'm crazy too, would you want to compare?!!?
I keep screaming to myself in my head, one more prod from him I'm going to call the cops. I have this pet peeve for strangers touching me.

Anyway, he shuffled off.
Before he shuffled off, he told me that I'm dao.
ARGGG

of undies and direction

Just a few days ago, while doing my no.2 in the ladies, I realised that I've worn my undies the other way round, i.e front to back, back to front.
No wonder I felt funny....as if too much breeze on the back and too stifling at the front.
The norm that happens all the time would be wearing it inside out due to the morning rush.
I did a 1 minute contemplation as to whether if I should make the switch. Yes, I admit, if sometimes I wear it inside out, I cannot be bothered to undo the error, right the wrong, fix the problem, administer a solution blah blah blah.
I decide against the switch.
I came out of the cubicle happy with my decision.
Then I ran back and made the switch.
I tell myself I would resist the urge to right things wrong if this happens next time. My question is, is this a wrong in the first place?

man on cte and tape

Last Sunday, we went to a wedding dinner at M Hotel.

Lets not talk about the food. Nothing much to gush about anyway.

While on the way on the CTE, the dot-matrix-marquee-signboard showed "man walking sh after balestier". WAH!!

Nearing balestier exit, all cars on 3 lanes simultaneously slowed down to see this white hair, crazy old man hobbling along the exit. whoohoo!! Happening...

My question is, how the hell did he managed to get onto the expressway?

Oh yes, tape. I wore a low cut top to the wedding dinner. Should I bend down, I would like an idiot. Hence, I taped up the parts that would gape open. That hurts. Oh!! The vanity of woman!
I tell myself I won't tape myself up next time. Either:
1. I don't wear the top again
2. I don't bend down
Hmmmmm......
Maybe, I should tape myself next time.
(Never knew I would go to such extremes. Guys on earth, roll your eyeballs!!)

branching out

the title says it all

being a regular customer at the clinic

The doctor suspected food allergy. Or rather, protein allergy. It was a blow to our family.

Was prescriped "Hill's Prescription Diet z/d". Junior went on a hunger strike for 4 days. In the end, I gave up the diet.

All the time, Junior was on a steriod prescription of prednisolone 5mg.

After much monthly trips to the clinic, doc suggested the spot test. Blood is drawn and flown to USA for lab diagnostics.

He has 5 "borderline" reacting allergens: redtop grass, willow trees, fasarium fungi, beef, barley, orris root.
He has 17 "postitve" reacting allergens: (GRASSES) johnson, fescue, timothy, brome, (WEEDS) pigweed, sage, saltbush/scale mix, (TREES) privet, pecan, mesquite, (FUNGAL) aspergillus, alternaria, helminthosporium, cladosporium, rhizopus, phome, housedust/mites, (FOOD) rye, venison, eggs, brewers yeast, carrots, peas.

OK, you may officially call him the bubble boy. Basically it means he is allergic to mostly trees, grasses, weeds, fungal, and housedust. Just kill me.

After the test was done, a maintenance kit was ordered. Based on the allergens Junior was allergic to, they will develop allergenic extract to inject into his body, thus forcing his body to accept and adapt to the allergens.

For Junior, 2 sets were needed. Every alternate day, 2 injections were done at home, starting from 0.1ml, and gradually increased to 1.0ml on the 20th day.
Again, 2 injections where done on the 25th, 30th, 36th, 42th, 48th, 58th, 68th, 78th, 88th day; starting from 0.1ml to be increased to 1.0ml on the 88th day.
Finally, the injection were to be spaced out from every week, to every 2 weeks, to every 3 weeks and so forth, until every month.
After the kit is finish, a new kit is to be ordered for monthly maintenance. 2 injections per month. Ouch.

It hurts him and it hurts my pockets deeply.

My modest estimation is I have already spent approximately 4k on him just for surgery, tests, kits, trips to the doctor.

barf diet

At the time I switched doctors, I put him on a barf diet.

Veggie ingredients were: carrot, celery, broccoli, apples, pears - all into the food processor.

Meat ingredients were: chicken (incusive of bones), chicken necks, pork liver - all into the food processor too.

Every day I would alternate either yogurt, garlic, apple cider vinegar, or raw egg. Egg i try to give once a week. I try to give more yogurt or vinegar.

Every meal includes part meat, part veggie, part extra, and supplement. Supplement consist of alfafa, kelp. Rotation of cod liver oil, or flaxseed oil.

There was a slight improvement in his coat. However, he did not take a liking to the raw diet.

(I dropped the diet after seeing no change in him for a year; it hit a plateau. Now, he is on salmon fish, broccoli, chicken, and sweet potatoes and rice - all boiled)

pathetic dog

No one wanted to purchase him. He was already 6 months old at the pet shop. I could see other more popular puppies snapped up. His forlorn face, I could remember forever.
And so I bought him. 4th october 2000.

Soon he grew up, but realised that he has skin problems.
(I'm not saying that his is a great big problem that I should make a big hoo-ha of, and blog only about my dog. My aim is to blog about what I have tried on him and what works and what doesn't.)

OK, anyway, back to the story.

Sent him to a veterinary in Serangoon North. It was diagnosed as just itchy skin problem.

Put him on countless different over the counter diets. ANF, Science Diet, Eagle Pack, Solid Gold, Nutro, Pro Plan - be it wet or dry. Nothing helps.

He would scratch like there's no tomorrow; bite his paws as if it doesn't belongs to him.

It went on for about a year. Switched pet food, switched doctors, switched clinics, switched shampoo. Seeing him in such flaky, rough, reddish skin, I could only feel dispair.

Tax Invoice: 01/11/2004

Anaesthesia: $157.50
Surgery-Luxating Patella: $367.50
Suture Materials: $31.50
Betamox Injection: $12.60
Temgesic Injection: $ 21.00
bandage: $12.60
IV Catheter: $6.30
hospitalisation: $15.75
daily examination: $12.60
medication: $12.60

Having a healthy dog: priceless

and yes, I used Mastercard :)

Intro

OK, to start off with, Junior is a allerged JRT but he doesn't looks like one. His coat is a utter failure in terms of breed standard. However, he is purchased with the sole determination not to discriminate against puppies with improper breed standards. He looks like a regular terrier to me though...

(He has perpetually no fur on his "elbows" due to excessive scratching. Just a reddish patch with occasional lesions on the skin.)